Why

Weather: Cold
Mood: Bad

I do not know if I am angry or upset. I just felt so not fair and felt so awful. Received a call today, felt so upset and angry at the same time. Why can't I go? Why must I wait for few months later then can? I really don't understand but no one can explain that to me. I ask parent, they can't explain too. They just want me to follow. I felt so useless. Why can't I just go out and relax? Must I always stay here. Why, why and WHY? Lately have been feeling quite stress, singing can distress one person, but it is different compare to breathing in of fresh air and going out to see nice scenery. It totally two different way of distress. Singing and going out experience are two different things and will feel differently as well. I really felt very stressful lately as days pass. =( I really need a breather to relax...

I felt this is too much. I really yearn to go out, relax and spend a day or two with my love one as well. Now I can't, I only can wait till months later then I am able to. I felt I won't be happy from now onwards. I felt so stress yet I can't have the proper way to distress myself. I have set my own wishes and goals, will I able to achieve in such state of stress mind. Being telling myself that I must have confident then I will be able to make it. But at this stage, suddenly seems the world start crashing down again when my world have improve from the past. Suddenly felt back to an enclosure person again after my world have gone better. All I can do now is wait till so called months later before things back to normal, but to me I feel that it seems so hard. I will try to change my mindset but what can encourage me to do so? This kind of encouragement is more like dis-encouraging. So dampen one person's spirits. Hmmmm...